i was born a porn star she said
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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