Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
