Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
