i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
