how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
