Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this hospital has no fireball
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
