Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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