im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
