ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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