Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
