I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
