I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
