he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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