thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
this just has baby written all over it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
