ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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