hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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