Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
