my vag is so smooth its legendary
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
