The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No subtext here. People are naked.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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