Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
