I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
