If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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