I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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