The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
