fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
