i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
