How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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