i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Come on in and take your pants off
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