So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am one with the molecules
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
