the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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