are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
