Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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