how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
