He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
