I cockslap morals
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just googled if crying burns calories
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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