goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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