just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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