break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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