Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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