just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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