new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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