Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
