Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
