I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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