Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
