I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
