the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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