I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
