finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
