My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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